Priest Simulator: Vampire Show Review – Altered Priest
Priest Simulator: Vampire Show from Asmodev
When a game has the word “simulator” in its name, it’ll fall into one of two camps. The first is to offer an experience that aims to create an accurate simulation, e.g. the popular Flight Simulator series. The other camp is to create the most inaccurate, comedic representation possible. Priest Simulator: Vampire Show falls heavily into the latter camp.
The game follows our protagonist Orlok, a vampire from Hell transported to the small Polish town of San de Ville. This town has a big issue: its Christian church has gone downhill, and Shatanists run rampant. Orlok gets roped into becoming the interim priest to get back to his home in Hell.
In order to get, back home Orlok has to do missions and help renovate the church to advance the plot. This becomes the core tenet of the game: improve the church, fight Shatanists, and do missions to get back home.
Everything is wrapped around a tongue-in-cheek mockumentary style similar to shows like What We Do In The Shadows. Cutscenes play out, and characters are interviewed afterwards one-on-one. This approach to the narrative keeps things light and makes room for a lot of comedic moments.
The humor in Priest Simulator isn’t necessarily my cup of tea. The style ranges from light crude jokes and well-timed cursing to more absurdist random humor. For example, during an interview, someone in the background will be crawling sideways on a wall.
I tended to like the more absurd humor more when it presented itself in the plot, but these moments are few and far between. The narrative ends up feeling like a mixed bag. There are some plot twists to keep things interesting, but it leans heavily on the humor, and it just didn’t land often enough for me.
Orlok and Unlock
Priest Simulator has a similar structure to other modern goofy simulator games: an open map to explore with plenty of collectibles to find, Shatanist graffiti to clean, religious artifacts to find, and exorcisms to perform.
A car makes traveling less of a chore, and there is enough in the bite-sized open map to keep you busy. It really scratches that map completion itch in me; it’s one of those games where I shut my mind off and almost lose myself in its world, just trying to get as much done as possible.
Admittedly, a large part of it all does feel repetitive, as most of the map isn’t that interesting to explore, consisting mostly of houses and a couple traditional landmarks like a graveyard. Priest Simulator also has you moving back and forth through the same areas often, but the gameplay loop was rewarding enough to keep me engaged.
Thankfully, exploration is rewarding and the main missions are fun, smartly designed, and varied enough to not feel like endless fetch or kill quests. The more stuff you do around town, the more you are able to upgrade your weapons.
Renovating the church to improve stats stats also feels rewarding. There’s nothing like renovating a church by adding an aquarium, Jacuzzi and a DJ station. There’s just enough depth here, considering its lighthearted nature.
Priestly Projectiles
Another major part of why I enjoyed the gameplay loop is its fun combat. As a priest, you can dual-wield weapons to take out the attacking Shatanists around the map. Weapons range from projectile close-range melee weapons, and each feels unique. My favorite combo is a medium-range shotgun and a telekinesis glove, allowing me to grab objects around the environment to throw at enemies and shoot them if they get close.
I really like the way the varied arsenal allowed me to mess around with whichever dual weapon style I preferred. Priest Simulator also allows you to upgrade them to do more damage or even add projectile attacks to the melee weapons. The combat isn’t necessarily deep, but it’s enjoyable.
The voice-acting in Priest Simulator is odd and quirky. Actors do a great job of fitting into the tone. In both English or Polish, there is a dry, earnest delivery that works well with the mockumentary style and helps make things a bit more humorous throughout.
Devilish DLC
I also checked out the Her Ghost DLC add-on for this game, which adds three new challenging exorcisms and rally races. Unfortunately, the latter must be completed first.
The six races are a pain to complete because of the game’s driving mechanics. The car feels too light, and any sharp turn or odd protruding bumps in the ground flip it over. And since there is no way of flipping the car back, you have to restart the race. I basically had to go slow most of the time which wasn’t fun. Coupled with the fact that these races are timed makes for a frustrating time.
Other than the races, the exorcisms take place in larger maps and are challenging enough, but overall this inconsequential DLC is brought down by the rally races, and not much content here is worth your time.
The Verdict:
Priest Simulator has a certain charm to it. Its narrative is not my favorite, but everything else, from exploration to combat, is really fun.
It might feel repetitive to those looking for more of a sandbox, make-your-own-fun experience, but it’s a fun ride for those wanting a totally inaccurate simulator of a reluctant vampire priest stuck in a small Polish town.
Priest Simulator: Vampire Show is available via Steam.
Check out the official trailer for Priest Simulator: Vampire Show below:
