PC gaming can be an expensive hobby, so it’s understandable that many players want to give their big black graphics machine a surrounding setup it deserves. I get the appeal of having the neatest, smartest desk, or colour-coordinating your room with your peripherals’ RGB settings. I totally see why you might want all your merch neatly arranged in glass display cases behind you, or have a perfectly aligned triptych of screens to envelop you in Elite Dangerous or Farming Simulator.
I, however, am not one of these people.
My setup is a memorial to my time-poor existence and inability to plan. It’s cluttered with coins, notebooks, stationary, plug adapters, and random parts from toys my daughter has brought through to my office.
My webcam sits atop a box folder, height-adjusted with three paperback books (two Stephen Kings and a Bob Mortimer, thanks for asking). Somehow, my headphones actually have their own stand. But I did not buy the stand, have no memory of where it came from, and the headphones themselves are held together with electrician’s tape. Oh yes, the rolls of electrician’s tape are also on the desk, because I haven’t bothered to put them away.
Does the state of my desk bother me? Well, it’s a little embarrassing to write about, though clearly not enough to stop me from doing so. And like a raccoon, I am generally content amid my filth. Indeed, there are only two occasions when it starts to get on my nerves: when I’m trying to find something and can’t, and when I see another gaming setup that’s far nicer than mine.
Because of the way the modern internet works, the latter happens quite a lot. My social media feeds are often bombarded by Twitch streamers, game developers, and just regular gamers who have setups more elaborate than the bridge from the starship Enterprise. Expertly matched furniture, carefully selected wall art, maybe a few (well looked after) plants, and of course, all their Kirby plushies and Tifa figurines perfectly arranged behind them.
When I witness setups like these, I worry that I’m the grubbiest gamer on the planet. But in such moments of existential crisis, I turn to the comforting swamp that is r/ShittyBattleStations. Created in 2011, this subreddit is dedicated to freaks like me, all proudly posting images of their mucky, messy, or outright bizarre gaming setups. You won’t see any magenta backlights or IKEA Kallax units here. Often you’re lucky if the person posting owns a chair.
There are three things I love about r/ShittyBattleStations. The first I’ve already mentioned: the simple reassurance that I’m not alone. The second is the sheer diversity of dire gaming setups on show. At the least remarkable level are extreme versions of my own scenario, gamers who play surrounded by a dragon’s hoard of detritus. Some have desks so jam-packed with stuff it’s impressive they can play games at all, as a rogue twitch of the mouse would surely trigger a domino effect of cascading clutter.
My lived in crap station I come home to every 12 hour shift. from r/shittybattlestations
Many of these above setups fall into categories that are acknowledged by the community. There’s even an automoderator that asks the community to define why a particular setup qualifies as “shitty”, suggesting things like “Incomplete”, “Trash all around” and perhaps my favourite “Not a computer”. However, I’ve seen numerous themes through the subreddit yet to be formalised by the community, so I thought I’d suggest a few below:
The Sir Terry Pratchett award for monitor mania
The Late Author Terry Pratchetts desk. (setup as a display in a exhibition of his work and life) from r/pics
The late Sir Terry Pratchett’s workspace was built around this incredible six-monitor setup. Once, he was asked why he used six screens, to which he famously replied “because I can’t have eight”. This award goes to those gamers for whom no number of screens seems sufficient, and any screen, no matter how old it is or where it has come from, is ripe for incorporation.
The fire hazard
My server setup. I feel like there is a lot to take in here from r/cablegore
This could, admittedly, include setups from various other categories. But there are some setups where your immediate reaction is to reach for the phone to dial the fire brigade. You can definitely go overboard on fire safety, like my dad who used to insist on switching off every plug in the house before he went to bed. But some of the subreddit’s gamers seem downright determined to burn themselves to death.
The ‘wait until you see it’
Found this old photo of my setup from 8 years ago with the stupidest headset holder from r/shittybattlestations
Among the more immediately bizarre battlestations are setups that initially seem fairly unremarkable, but then you spot that one detail that elevates it to the highest tier of shittery. Like this rig that follows the shot of the preposterous headset holder, with the chaser that the PC has two mice. Or this setup where the poster presumably has a rubber spine.
Yet out of all the differently horrible setups on the subreddit, my favourite type of shitty battle station is probably the most common. The PC gamers for whom the lack of furniture is no obstacle. The subreddit is filled with pictures of deskless PC gamers playing on shelving units, chests of drawers, piles of cardboard boxes, storage tubs, or just an amalgamation of stuff. Some players forego not just a desk, but also a chair, setting up their rigs straight on the floor.
shittybattlestations from r/shittybattlestations/comments/1h1iybr/hopefully_will_only_need_it_until_i_get_my_desk
It’d be easy to laugh at these floor-gamers and improvised tabletops, and indeed, some of the posts are pretty darn funny. Mainly though, with the exception of setups that are gross or outright dangerous, I find them strangely endearing. Many of these players are in temporary living situations, or forced into an unusual gaming setup by life events like injuries. Some of these arrangements are kinda ingenious, while others seem borderline torturous, making you wince for the poster’s knees or spine.
But it seems no amount of inconvenience or discomfort will stop some people from PC gaming, and that makes me weirdly proud. While I wouldn’t encourage anyone to adopt any of these setups—PC gaming should, ideally, not come with a risk of sciatica or burning your house down—ultimately, where you play your games doesn’t matter. It’s what you play that counts. If you’re willing to forgo something as basic as a desk to get your game on, going to extraordinary, even painful lengths to conjure an alternative, that probably shows more dedication to your hobby than the shiniest rig on the planet.
