The Game Gear Directory: (Sl-Sol)

Sliding into more than just your DMs

Slider (1991)

This top-down puzzler-cum-action-cum-maze game absolutely honks of microcomputers, so I went to check if my nose had steered me correctly and yes, indeed, this is a version of an Atari ST game called Skweek. It’s a little like Q*Bert in that your goal is to change the colour of every tile on the board (to a rather fetching pink, in fact) by walking over them. Of course, you are beset by enemies which must – atypically for the genre – be blasted to smithereens. Slider seems oddly difficult to categorise; there is some thought involved with breakable floor tiles requiring you to plan your route to some extent, but the game is thankfully reluctant to leave you stranded with an unwinnable board. It’s completely brainless but still rather enjoyable to blaze through, with only the very final levels requiring any particular finesse – and, even then, not that much. Passwords between each stage make things even friendlier, and the colourful graphics and rather good music elevate Slider into a pretty solid recommendation. ****

The Smurfs (1994)

Oh, how I loved this one. I (genuinely) couldn’t bring myself to stop playing it to write its entry in the Directory, that’s how much I loved it. This is a game that felt laser-focused on my taste, on what I personally love in a platformer. Because, of course, it is a platformer, how could it not be? What did you expect, real-time smurftegy? I digress. This is a fantastic little game, one that appeared on Game Boy, NES and Master System, but I honestly think this is the best version. The graphics are cleaner with better, brighter colours, and the music is fantasicc – Alberto Gonzalez playing his hits. Play control is absolutely exemplary here; controlling Hefty Smurf is never anything less than smooth, with just the right amount of momentum and lift to his jumps. There are hidden areas to reward the curious, and the level design is challenging without being unfair. To really hammer home the “this is for me, Stuart Gipp” nature of the whole affair, there’s even a single esoteric bit with a mild puzzle that I got stuck on briefly and I expect people would complain about. Not me, though, I loved it. I had a fantastic time with it, the kind of game where if I had it as a kid I’d have played it over and over and over again and rated it as a favourite. For now though I’ll just rate it as possibly my favourite Game Gear title yet, maybe even better than Ristar. A Smurfs game, of all things! It has no right to be this good! Christ, I didn’t even mention the bonus levels or the well-paced river and flight stages that make the usually-tedious “gameplay variety” escapades into something joyous. What a cart! *****

The Smurfs Travel the World (1995)

Sadly, this is very crappy by comparison to its delightful predecessor, a witless, repetitive collectathon that doesn’t even bother making the collecting fun. I like collecting! I like collectathons! I think Donkey Kong 64 is genuinely good! But I just don’t have the patience for slack design like this, games that copy-paste areas and slap a bunch of icons to pick up then call it a day. It’s the kind of layouts that make people say European-developed platform games suck. They patently don’t, but this one gives them something of a bad name. It’s not totally horrible, and it’s nice that you can play as the Smurfette, but the sprites are so crummy and with such lame animations (quite unlike the first Smurfs game) that it doesn’t really matter. It’s just… “whatever”. I understand this game is quite rare and expensive to get hold of, but it doesn’t deserve to be in the slightest. **

Solitaire FunPak (1994)

Full confession, readers. I do not know how to play Solitaire. Whenever the opportunity has presented itself, I have simply chosen to play something else. It just seems a little like masturbation, to me, you know? Not that there’s anything wrong with that, I’m masturbating right now. Joking! That was a joke. Thing is, I’m not sure how I’m going to fulfill this entry of the directory. Based on my perspective and not knowing how to play, there are a rather large number of variations on the game here, each of which seems well-presented. The easiest one for me to grok was the “poker” variant, in which the deck is shuffled and each card is drawn and placed on a 5×4 “board” in an attempt to create high-scoring poker hands. I liked it, and I feel as though if you’re into Solitaire this would be an extremely good way to play a bunch of different versions of it with decent visuals and presentation – let’s fact it, Solitaire looks like Solitaire and anything further would just be cruft. The music can safely be switched off, but it’s clear that this is a strong package for solo card gamers. I don’t like the scary clown fella on the title screen, mind. ****

Solitaire Poker (1991)

Here’s another take on a game that’s actually available as part of the Solitaire FunPak, but things are a little different. Much like my glowing appraisal of this mode in the preceding entry, you must drop cards onto a board in order to score with strong poker hands horizontally, vertically and even diagonally. This is cool! But it’s also very difficult, because in this version of the game you seem to drop the cards in like Tetris, with them stacking up to form your hands. There’s an extra element of strategy in this respect, which makes the game rather a lot of fun if it catches you right. It’s pretty luck-based but being able to form up hands based on gravity is genuinely enjoyable and makes this a rather easy recommendation from me. There’s a bunch of different music you can switch between at any time, too, as well as some harder variants on the game including a nails “casino” one which is basically impossible thanks to having you play totally blind. It’s more limited in its focus than Solitaire FunPak, but I’m not going to mark it down for including only one game when it’s a really good version of said game. ****

(Next: Sonic)