Critics are destroying the Borderlands movie (Audience are bit more forgiving) – WGB

UPDATE: as the reviews continue to roll in the movie has done a little bit better for itself. It’s now at a 7% on the Tomatometer scale based upon 57 reviews, and the audience is rating it at 53%.

ORIGINAL STORY: The Borderlands movie had its premiere just a few days ago in Los Angeles. The critics that have seen it are not impressed. As soon as the embargo lifted, many of them flocked to social media to voice their initial thoughts. Now though, the full reviews are flooding in and they do not paint a pretty picture.

It’s hardly surprising – the movie’s trailers didn’t inspire much confidence, either. Director Eli Roth doesn’t have a stellar track record. The cast is full of big names like Cate Blanchett and Jack Black. However, people were quick to point out that they were all rather…well, old. And the movie spent a lot of time in development hell before it finally emerged.

Movie review aggregator Rotten Tomatoes currently lists 27 reviews for the movie, granting it a pitiful 4% on the Tomatometer.

Dan Jolin penned the Empire review where he awarded the movie 2 stars out of five. He discusses how the film feels like it wants to be Guardians of the Galaxy but never pulls it off. Borderlands so wants to be Guardians Of The Galaxy. “It has retro needle drops aplenty (including a battle that kicks off to Motörhead’s ‘Ace Of Spades’) and ladles on as much out-there violence as its 12A rating allows (there’s even that bit where they kill a giant, tentacled monster from the inside-out), but it doesn’t come close to capturing the same Guardians space-magic.” writes Dan.

Dan does take a moment to praise Cate Blanchett though, who seems to be the highlight of the movie for many a reviewer.

Cynthia Vinney handled the review for Looper, panning the film with a 3 out of 10. She points out the PG-13 rating as being a sore point for the movie. She also mentions that the film itself actually seems to address the casting criticisms, even mentioning that Cate Blanchett’s Lillith is quite a bit older than her game counterpart. “Roland being short is remarked on too. What’s not clear is why any of these changes were made, ” says Vinney.

Vinney also describes the film as having a habit of telling, not showing. “We’re told that the Eridians were aliens who died out and left really cool stuff,” says Cynthia. “We’re told that Tiny Tina is a clone. We’re told that Lilith’s mother left her with Dr. Tannis. These things don’t have the same visceral appeal if they aren’t shown to us, and as a result, the movie misses out on some major opportunities.”

Over at Backlot Magazine, Shakyl Lambert liked the movie even less. He gave it a 2 out of 10. He hits it with this conclusion: “Simply put, Borderlands is a colossal failure. When it comes to video game movies, the hope is that it satisfies long-time fans of the game while attracting a new audience. In Borderlands’ case, it fails in both cases. Long-time fans will hate it due to how it fails to capture even a bit of the charm of the games, and casual fans will just be bored and go rewatch Guardians of the Galaxy instead.”

Delving deeper into the review, Lambert says the characters are “deeply miscast from top to bottom” and then decimates the movie with this killer line: …it all just looks like celebrities participating in a Borderlands-themed escape room instead of an actual movie.”

The only positive review on Rotten Tomatoes is from Youtuber Grace Randolph. The quote on Rotten Tomatoes from her review reads: “I’ve never played the games, but I got a kick out of Blanchett starring in a movie like this – and doing a great job! I do wish the script had been adjusted a bit better to accommodate her age. Blanchett fans will enjoy this, not sure about anytime else.”

Notably though, Randolph’s own commentors on the video don’t seem overly pleased with her review. Many of them comments are directed at Grace spending much of her time talking about Cate Blanchett and Joan Crawford. Other comments state that Grace spends a lot of time talking around whether she enjoyed the movie or not.

Finally, Clarisse Loughrey of the Independent decided to sum up the movie when she said: “It’s dragged us back to a time when studios used to make these with all the grace and acuity of a drunk person attempting to place a 3am chicken nugget order.” Clearly she has witnessed my Saturday morning escapades. She then handing it a 1 out of 5. Damn, Clarisse!

More reviews will undoubtedly trundle in as the movie hits theatres proper on August 9 in the US, so there’s some hope that Borderlands may yet do well. After all, it would not be the first time fans and critics have been divided over the quality of a movie. But honestly, after watching the trailers, I can’t help but feel the critics are right on the money with this one.