Library heists, bandit bribes, and multiple orgasms: how I became a happy king in medieval strategy sim Norland

Sometimes I wonder what kind of king I’d be, and every now and then a game comes along that makes it abundantly clear I’d be a terrible one. Currently, that game is medieval kingdom sim Norland, which feels like a mashup of Crusader Kings, RimWorld, and Mount & Blade. It’s got strategy, settlement-building, management, and as Fraser found out, lots of personal drama and no small amount of vomiting.

I’m not sure my kingdom is going to last long enough to experience any of that: I haven’t even technically begun the game when I make my first big mistake. I choose a scenario that starts me off as a king with three daughters, which seems like it’d be ideal: one daughter could be the princess type blessed with charisma and social skills, another could be a shadowy spymaster to handle intrigue and secret plots, and the third could be a bold warrior leading my armies. The four of us will rule this realm, and when I finally croak my most worthy daughter will inherit the throne.